On the path.

I went out for lunch break today. Since I had heavy breakfast, I did not want to eat real lunch yet. And so, I'm back to my bad habit - chips and soda. Just to ease the longing. It was such a blessing that I did not hold on to the white chocolate almond - my favorite!

I think I really have an eating disorder. And I hate it because whenever I look at myself in the mirror, I hate what I see. Big boobs, flabs, and all. I used to be so known as the fashionista who dresses well, but it's something I can't pull off now considering how unfit I am.

I have come across this page: http://www.43things.com/things/view/939895/participate-in-the-life-makeover-challenge

And it struck me what's written there that life makeover really starts with a change of heart and complete shift in the way I view my life. Wow, since I cannot change my heart by myself, then I leave the changing up to the one who formed it - Lord, please change my heart! Please change how I view life!

I need to get in the path so I won't stop when I'm already there. I felt the same way when I formed new habits like having a regular time with God, reading the Bible regularly, communing with God, stopping my alcohol problem, banishing men temporarily to focus on God (and wait on Him if He still wills for me to love again). I know that all these happened through grace by faith, just like salvation, so Lord, please save me! I cannot change me by myself.

I want to live a life that I love and knowing how it feels to be fit, I know it feels really good to be fit. I want that feeling. I miss that feeling. And I want to be fit for the rest of my days.

I want to make this life the best there is. After all, it's the only one that I have here on earth.